Mommy Info Toddler Life

Screaming Toddler Tantrums, Avoid Giving In

Is it that time? Have you reached that age yet that your toddler goes bonkers when ever they don’t get their way? I’m guessing so if you’re reading this post. So, how do you deal with screaming toddler tantrums? Simple, don’t give in and walk away.

I know this may seem unorthodox if you are out shopping or in public, and I don’t expect you to walk away from your child in the middle of a supermarket, but this is where control comes in. I always keep my toddler either in the shopping carriage or in his stroller. If he wants to cry, that is fine but I will not condone that behavior. If you are embarrassed you can take your toddler to a private place like the bathroom or back to the car to calm them down.

Check Out Books Below That Can Help!

Toddlers Are Smart

By the age of at least 18 months you will know the difference between a “hurt cry” and a not “getting my way cry”. If your toddler is really hurt please, do console them, but it they are screaming because they’re not getting their way, let them be.

When my son throws himself on the living room floor and starts rolling around screaming because I didn’t give him what he wanted I simply say “okay, come see mommy when you’re done” and I walk away. Within seconds of him realizing that he’s not getting my attention he stops screaming, gets up off the floor and goes back to playing with his toys.

This step is imperative. Toddler are smarter than we give them credit for, so if you decide to give in to your toddlers’ tantrums they will catch on and that will be their go to response whenever they can’t get their way.

I understand how hard it is when you are busy and you just need them to be quiet. It’s easier to give them what they want because then you have quiet and you can go back to doing what you were doing. But believe me when I tell you, this is not the road you want to go down.

You Are In Control

As your toddler gets older and wiser, the tantrums will get louder and worse, and even more so, when they start saying actual sentences. You don’t want this, so nip it in the bud now. If you show your toddler that you are in control then they will have no choice but to obey you as their parent and they will grow up with the mentality that tantrums will never get them what they want, but rational thought and speaking will.

Although my toddler is at a young age, (19 months) there are times that he cries and I know he needs something from me but instead of trying to talk he will cry instead, I tell him to use his words. He knows what this means because I say it to him often and when I do give him what he wants I tell him how to say it so that he can voice himself the next time.

Check Out Books Below That Can Help!

They Can Do It

Jayden now knows, if he wants a bottle, he can say “baba” if he wants to watch SpongeBob on television, he can say “SpongeBob”. I am teaching him valuable tools that he can use later on instead of giving in to his crying and stunting his manners. He may not be able to form complete sentences, but this is part of what starts that.

You may think your toddler can’t do that or he won’t, or he’s not old enough yet, but don’t underestimate him. Like I said before, they are smarter than we give them credit for. When my sisters’ daughter was the age of Jayden I would tell her the same thing. I’ve seen it before, but she refused to listen. Now, her daughter is three and takes tantrums when something is not her way.

It may seem like a lot of work now, but it will pay off when they are a little older. You will be glad you took the time to instill this values in your toddler when you’re out in public and they are obedient.

Don’t Give In

Have you ever gone to the store and as you are strolling the aisles you hear a screaming kid and wonder how their parent puts up with it? I have. I look down at my toddler quiet and content and listen to the other parent barter with their child trying to get them to be quiet and it’s embarrassing. You can literally see the look of distress in their face as they try so desperately to get their child to be quiet.

Don’t be that mom. Never negotiate with your child. You are giving them the option to be well-mannered and obedient and when they don’t want to, they won’t. This process may be upsetting, but not for long. The earlier you adopt the habit of not giving in to your screaming toddler, the sooner they will catch on. But when it’s too late, well, it’s too late.

Don’t get me wrong, this will not eliminate every tantrum your child will have. There will be a few definitely, but this will at least help with cutting back on the number of tantrums your child will have. I think the most important thing is figuring out why your toddler is taking tantrums to begin with. But as I mentioned before, teaching them early on to voice their troubles instead or crying could go a long way.

Just remember, no matter what, don’t give in to a tantrum! Stick to your guns. Giving into to your toddlers’ tantrum only teaches them that it’s okay behavior and they can use it to get their way every time.

Adult Books That Can Help

Looking for books that could help you with your toddler tantrums? Take a look at these books rated 5 stars and if interested, they can be purchased from Amazon through my site.

The Tantrum Survival Guide: Tune In to Your Toddler’s Mind (and Your Own) to Calm the Craziness and Make Family Fun Again

Toddler Discipline for Every Age and Stage: Effective Strategies to Tame Tantrums, Overcome Challenges, and Help Your Child Grow

 

Children’s Books That Can Help

You may also find these children’s books of interest when trying to relate to your toddler on the topic.

 

No More Tantrums (Big Kid Power)

Voices Are Not for Yelling (Best Behavior)

Little Monkey Calms Down Boardbook

Today I’m A Monster

 

 

Are you struggling with toddler tantrums? Do you want to share your experience? If so, please leave a comment below. Other moms could benefit from your understanding of this topic. Thanks for reading my latest post.

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25 Comments

  1. Mike Adkins says:

    This is good reading, my days of toddler handling are long gone but my daughter has a little one who can be a handful – As a grandad I give in BUT my daughter try’s not to, I will send her to this page! Mike

    1. Hi Mike, Thanks, please do. I know it can be hard with tantrums but the real foundation starts at home. Thank you for reading my post.

  2. You’ve got some great methods for keeping toddlers calm and gentle. I think you’ve created some way of making them learn when they haven’t started speaking at all. So, anything they want doesn’t have to be asked by crying but by trying to make sense of it to their parent in other ways.
    Good one.

    Thanks for sharing.

    1. It is hard in the beginning, but over time methods seem to work better. My toddler is still learning but he knows that I don’t respond to tantrums which is good because it prevents him from taking them. That is the key. Avoiding giving in to them. It takes some time but it does work and you teach you kid to respond to you in a different manner.

  3. Lejla says:

    This is great article for my niece. I will definitely share your website with her. She has 2 twins.
    Thank you for sharing this. Looking forward for more.

    1. Thank Lejla. Hopefully she will find this helpful.

  4. An extremely embarrassing piece of information about toddlers! I myself yet to get a child but that approach of not giving them attention especially when they cry for a mere thing or just want to get their way is an approach I experimented sometimes back with a kid of my elder sister and awesomely it works 100%.
    happy to find someone has simplified like that!.

    1. It can be embarrassing, but more for the parent than the child. It starts at home. Teaching your child to speak instead of scream could be a valuable commodity. I think any child will benefit from this in the end, but giving them attention when they need it is also important because they will feel abandoned if you don’t. You have to know how to determine what the cause is behind the tantrum because there could be many. Thanks for reading my post.

  5. I don’t have kids myself. But I’m always annoyed when I see a kid screaming with no end. Many parents just don’t know how to deal with situation like this. Discipline needs to be established from the very beginning.

    I think consistency is also important. If you give in once, you need to toughen up many times to right that wrong.

    Thanks for sharing this!

    1. Hi Wei, This is true. Many parents become blinded by the screaming to rationalize and ask themselves what’s best for their toddler. It’s much easier to give in but this sets a bad precedent and only leads to more frustration within the parent and the child. The child thinks this is acceptable behavior and uses tantrums as a way to communicate when there is a much better way.

  6. This one article will be immensely helpful to so many people including myself, your website as a whole is incredible!
    I have a 9 year old girl, 4 year old girl and then there’s my 3 year old boy. He is a very smart little bugger and he only throws a tantrum after being scolded for something. I do ignore this behavior but he has figured out that if he coughs and coughs until he throws up I have to pay attention to him, what would you suggest I do in this scenario?

    1. Hi Amanda,
      In your case I think talking to your little guy is your best bet. He may feel that he needs extra attention because he is the only boy against two girls so he may not get as much attention as he likes. Boys are very attached to their mothers so he could feel a little jealous. You should try to make time for just the two of you and give him that special time for himself without his sisters. When you do this for him he will start to realize that he is not left out and has your attention as much as the others do. Continuing this over time you will see a change in his behavior. He is competing for your love and although you may not see it this way i’m sure he does. Give him one on one attention out of the house and talk to him. When he is acting out don’t scold him but take him somewhere that it’s the only he two of you. Even the park will do. Try this and please check back if you need more help. Thanks for reading my post, I hope it helps.

      1. Thank you very much Jen,

        I will try taking him aside instead of scolding him in front of his siblings next time and look for triggers. I do think he gets plenty of Momma time though as both his older sisters go to school and since he is such a Momma’s boy he sleeps with me too.
        Great advice and thank you for the private message, I appreciate your help.

        1. You’re welcome Amanda, and come back if you need more tips!

  7. Yup, I remember those days with my children. They are all grown up now but I work in the education field and I still deal with children throwing tantrums….lol You are right, always encourage them to use their words and praising them for using words is a must. Thanks for the great article, you have a very informative website here. Awesome work! Take good care!
    Angela

    1. Thank you Angela, you as well.

  8. Great ideas for toddlers! I know that it is tough to hold tight and not give in LOL. But my children are grown. But, my daughter-in-law is having her first child and she is reading everything she can. So this is the perfect website for her. I will pass it along to her. Thanks!

    1. Thank you, please do.

  9. I don’t have kids yet, but I know how frustrating and embarrassing their yelling can get, when they try to bully their parents into giving in to them.
    When I have my own kids, I’d sure try to apply your suggestions.

  10. Hello Jen,
    I have looked at your site and I must say that I was really impressed with the handle you have on things. After raising 3 children and now a grandmother, I know through experience the importance of maintaining control and not giving in to tantrums. There are 2-year old running households many times unfortunately. You give very good advise and practical examples. I believe your site will be a great resource for many new mothers possibly struggling with the frustrations. When my kids were young, I used to refer to Dr. James Dobson books regularly. The strong willed child (shaping the will without breaking the spirit).

    I wish you the very best…Keep up the good work!

    1. Hi Suzanne, It’s true that parents need to keep a handle on their children from the beginning because I have also heard of toddlers running the household. Parents end up walking on eggshells to keep their child from taking tantrums and in the end it only becomes unbearable. Thank you for your book suggestion, I will look into it and thanks for reading my latest post.

  11. This is a great article for all parents and not only those with toddlers! The tantrums carry on right until their teenage years lol.
    I agree with not giving in to them. Now that my kids are older they are sent to their room to “calm down” and then we discuss the issue in a calm manner. Starting from an early age is also very beneficial later on, as you said.
    Love your website and content. Keep up the great work 🙂

    1. Thanks Helen. That is true. Teenagers can throw some pretty harsh tantrums also and theirs include some unsavory words! I agree with you at any age you can’t give in, it needs to be a calm situation where you can talk even with toddlers. Teaching them this early creates a platform for later that can benefit the child and teach them about manners and discipline.

  12. Thanks so much for these great tips! I’m going to buy those books you recommend. I can’t wait to start reading them actually. My toddler is so stubborn, he used to make tantrums and falling on the floor to make a huge drama scene. He stopped that act but he through away his toys when he is mad or starts yelling. Sometime he even wants to hit me :O when I do something he doesn’t want such as changing his clothes, the nappy, bath time. How do you manage these situations? He puts a fight every night when is time to brush the teeth. I don’t know what to do.

    1. Thanks for reading my post. I’m so glad I could help. Those books are helpful, especially reading the ones with your son. My son has been into throwing himself down lately so i know what you mean. I love sitting with him though and calming him down. He really responds well to it.

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